I know I did not post last Tueday, but I wanted to save this for after Christmas.
I took my children shopping with my meager grocery budget recently and one of them kept asking for non-essentials and being very disappointed when I said no. I kept explaining to them that I did not have the money for extras, but it didn't seem to sink in very well and what little did sink in left him moping and sad that we were so bad off.
Now, mind you, I believe in being frugal anyway. Most of the time, we find less expensive things that will satisfy the same need as something more expensive. Trying Food Lion's Cookies and Cream Extreme ice cream for instance was a brilliant stroke of luck as it satisfies all chocolate cravings. Using an old tablecloth for a treeskirt works out well too. The point is not necessarily to do with out, but to find a different way to do with. Occasionally, I have to decide between a full price option or doing with out and then there are costs and consequences to be weighed.
To have my child walk te grocery store constantly wanting things regardless of the price tells me I am doing a bad job passing on my values to that child. I will need to watch this and see if I can do a better job now. It is not just a matter of frugality, but a matter of greed. An occasional treat or valuing fine things is vastly different from seeking appeasement through every flashy or sugary item in a store.
I explained to him again in the check out line that I did not have the money for a lot of frivolities and even if I did, I wouldn't buy them. I even went so far as to point out that I occasionally skip meals to make sure ends meet. (This led down a path of what did that actually mean.) I finally told them, "One day, I hope you do not have enough, just long enough to always appreciate it when you do."
This was shocking to them for a moment. Mom is standing there telling them she hopes they don't have enough! Then, it dawns, first on the Bunny Girl and eventually on the Boo Bear as well. They have enough. (They may even be a little spoiled, but shhhh!) Enough is a big deal. I wish we all had enough, but more importantly, I wish we appreciated it when we do. As much as I am worried about the bills, etc., except for on the rare occasions I decided to skip a meal to make the finances work, even I have enough. Instead of moaning about where I should be in my life, what I could have achieved and how my sacrifices for my family have yielded me this barely making it living, I should be grateful that I do have enough.
I'm working on it. However, it may be a little easier for me because there have been times when I haven't had enough. I've slept in public places, lived off of potatoes and whatever I could grow, and been too scared to admit that my choices were to be homeless all the time or go home to a place I wasn't safe. I know that having a roof over my head, that living with people I do not find threatening to my health, and mostly eating reasonably healthy meals is enough. I have more than that, so I have more than enough.
I hope my children are never quite as bad off as all that, or at least that it is very short lived and they do not come out of it with the long term consequences I am still having to deal with, but I hope they one day do not have enough so they can know the difference.
Oddly enough, I believe this is what we are in large part experiencing in the country right now. We do not have enough, somene we know does not have enough, we are worried we will soon not have enough. I see the worry in people's faces, the furtive learning of frugality and the almost apologetic way they mention it when being careful with their money. They went from being spend happy, lacking all caution to being fearful tightwads, lacking all joy. (There are always exceptions!) I want them to find the middle ground. Maybe they don't have enough or maybe they will have moments when they don't, but this should be a wake up call for their regular behavior, not something to make one fearful, but one to gently bring about awareness.
Wake up! I hope you have enough for most of your life, but I hope, just for a little while, you don't, so that you will always know you are not truly bad off when you do have enough.
Be cautious with your money, but be joyful and generous anyway.
I took my children shopping with my meager grocery budget recently and one of them kept asking for non-essentials and being very disappointed when I said no. I kept explaining to them that I did not have the money for extras, but it didn't seem to sink in very well and what little did sink in left him moping and sad that we were so bad off.
Now, mind you, I believe in being frugal anyway. Most of the time, we find less expensive things that will satisfy the same need as something more expensive. Trying Food Lion's Cookies and Cream Extreme ice cream for instance was a brilliant stroke of luck as it satisfies all chocolate cravings. Using an old tablecloth for a treeskirt works out well too. The point is not necessarily to do with out, but to find a different way to do with. Occasionally, I have to decide between a full price option or doing with out and then there are costs and consequences to be weighed.
To have my child walk te grocery store constantly wanting things regardless of the price tells me I am doing a bad job passing on my values to that child. I will need to watch this and see if I can do a better job now. It is not just a matter of frugality, but a matter of greed. An occasional treat or valuing fine things is vastly different from seeking appeasement through every flashy or sugary item in a store.
I explained to him again in the check out line that I did not have the money for a lot of frivolities and even if I did, I wouldn't buy them. I even went so far as to point out that I occasionally skip meals to make sure ends meet. (This led down a path of what did that actually mean.) I finally told them, "One day, I hope you do not have enough, just long enough to always appreciate it when you do."
This was shocking to them for a moment. Mom is standing there telling them she hopes they don't have enough! Then, it dawns, first on the Bunny Girl and eventually on the Boo Bear as well. They have enough. (They may even be a little spoiled, but shhhh!) Enough is a big deal. I wish we all had enough, but more importantly, I wish we appreciated it when we do. As much as I am worried about the bills, etc., except for on the rare occasions I decided to skip a meal to make the finances work, even I have enough. Instead of moaning about where I should be in my life, what I could have achieved and how my sacrifices for my family have yielded me this barely making it living, I should be grateful that I do have enough.
I'm working on it. However, it may be a little easier for me because there have been times when I haven't had enough. I've slept in public places, lived off of potatoes and whatever I could grow, and been too scared to admit that my choices were to be homeless all the time or go home to a place I wasn't safe. I know that having a roof over my head, that living with people I do not find threatening to my health, and mostly eating reasonably healthy meals is enough. I have more than that, so I have more than enough.
I hope my children are never quite as bad off as all that, or at least that it is very short lived and they do not come out of it with the long term consequences I am still having to deal with, but I hope they one day do not have enough so they can know the difference.
Oddly enough, I believe this is what we are in large part experiencing in the country right now. We do not have enough, somene we know does not have enough, we are worried we will soon not have enough. I see the worry in people's faces, the furtive learning of frugality and the almost apologetic way they mention it when being careful with their money. They went from being spend happy, lacking all caution to being fearful tightwads, lacking all joy. (There are always exceptions!) I want them to find the middle ground. Maybe they don't have enough or maybe they will have moments when they don't, but this should be a wake up call for their regular behavior, not something to make one fearful, but one to gently bring about awareness.
Wake up! I hope you have enough for most of your life, but I hope, just for a little while, you don't, so that you will always know you are not truly bad off when you do have enough.
Be cautious with your money, but be joyful and generous anyway.
